i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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