He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I stole a fireplace last night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
