All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
True college students do jello shots in the library
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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