I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
