Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
