note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
