dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
