Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I want a musical about memes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
