So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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