whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
