I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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