After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
