I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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