So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
