i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
