I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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