Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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