The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
