pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
