if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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