he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
