just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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