This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
