i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30