Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.