I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!