What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
