someone threw a dead crab at me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
