party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Randomize
