honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Your mouth is God's brothel.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
