smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
