My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
