I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
In other news, I just burned my penis
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
