mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
