Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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