I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
