I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
