Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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