I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
