Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize