You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
