Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
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Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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