i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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