Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
