ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
