Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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