I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
