In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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