You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
