Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
