Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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