Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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