btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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