ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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