Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
