kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
BRING THE BAGELS
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
