His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
3 2 1 whiskey
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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