So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
