Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
