The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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