My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
