The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
