After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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