we have pet lesbian snakes
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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