worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't think brook has ever known best
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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