I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
