..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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