Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
