i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
