Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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